Weed On in Weedon

It was my own fault - I was excited to see Lisa, my friend from antenatal classes, and so forgot to offer Maia a pee after our journey down to Lisa and Austin's house in Northants.

Charlie and Matthew were getting christened, so Maia was in a lovely green Church-Church Party Dress. It had great big pink flowers all over it, and a really full swishy skirt. So, off we went, Maia to play in a playhouse in the garden, me to find Lisa to catch up. After a while, I joined Maia in the playhouse. Suddenly I heard a splashing noise, and saw the look of surprise on Maia's face as she got caught out. Ah.

Amazingly, due to the fullness of the skirt she managed to miss getting the dress wet at all. We had a quick shower, borrowed a pair of pants and socks from Charlie, put on the wellies that had been lurking in the car and we were good to go.

A more eclectic outfit than originally planned, but that often happens with Maia. I am sure God didn't mind.

Maia Says 'Knickers' to Boredom

Noonah, Maia and I went to Meadowhall on Saturday to buy some essentials for Noonah's holiday, a present for Charlie and Matthew's christening, and to return a skirt bought in haste and repented much.

Shopping with Maia is a bit of a trying experience at the moment. She is at the stage where she wants to do everything By Herself, and therefore resents general safety measures like holding hands in crowds. She is also a magpie, and will have colourful beads and knick-knacks if you don't keep a close eye.

Noonah gamely offered to look after Maia while she returned a skirt to Zara, while I ran off to do some SAS-style targeted shopping in BabyGap.

While talking to the shop assistant in Zara, Noonah bunched a bit of her long black skirt in Maia's hand and instructed her to 'Hold on'. This she did for a while. Then she got bored.

She decided to hold the skirt in her other hand...but that didn't hold any great excitement. She then decided it would be much more fun to dive under Noonah's skirt, and make a tent. Noonah figured it was as good a place as any - at least she knew where she was.

Then, bored of the SkirtTent, Maia looked up, grabbed hold of the knickers so conveniently placed within reach, and yanked.

This produced a much more satisfying result - suddenly she was the centre of attention again! Noonah swooped her out of the SkirtTent, and finished her transaction while trying to subtly rearrange her undergarments.

We are pretty used to Maia trying to get publicly naked at every opportunity, but she has never before tried to enforce it on any of us...

Hannah Bannannah and the Pink Snails

Like royalty, or a sometimes benevolent tin-pot dictator, Maia dishes out the tasks of taking care of her to those around her. This weekend, the household (and therefore, Her People) included Hannah, who came to stay on Thursday night. Now, Maia already knows she likes Hannah. Hannah has a very natural way with kids - always crouches down to talk to them, and is interested in what they are doing without a hint of embarrassment or condescension.

During the day, Hannah and Maia spent some time playing in the garden...spotting spiders that jumped and deciding that snails weren't pink. Later that evening, Hannah was bestowed a rare honour. She was allowed to Read A Bedtime Story.

An honour indeed, probably of higher ranking than being allowed to accompany Maia while she pees. Maia took evident delight in the fact that Hannah really got involved with the story book (a task in itself, given Maia's insistence on a totally non-linear picture book that pretty much lists a series of animals under nigh-on arbitrary headings....'Noisy' 'Wild' 'Spotty' etc etc.) Then again, Hannah is an actress, so probably used to being asked to read odd things by people. Checkov, anyone?

Anyway, Maia enjoyed the experience so much that she tried to prolong storytime to well past the normal 20 minutes. In the end, I went in and swiftly brought proceedings to a close with a run through of Mog and Bunny. She settled down pretty quickly after that, and I hope she dreamt of pink snails.

Mission Impeccable Meets Match: Self Determination

Mission Impeccable is going ok - apart from that one (very public) failing to wear nice stuff, I have been doing pretty well. As has Maia.

Until now.

Self determination has hit, and that means she decides what she wants to wear. She really enjoys the process of selecting her clothes for the day, and if she looks somewhat eclectic, then who cares?

For example, today she went to school in a dark blue teeshirt with a picture of a monkey on the front, aqua shorts with a rather fetching seahorses print, and blue raindrop wellies. All pretty co-ordinated, but still a little odd. We have sent a change of clothes to school with her, but as Mrs Hunt seemed to be quite taken with the 'Summer Rainshower' look, I am not convinced she will come back in anything different.

In Innocentia Veritas

Noonah and Maia went swimming yesterday at Pond's Forge. I took the opportunity to sit up in the viewing platform and read my book. In fact, I spent so much time laughing and clapping and showing proper appreciation for the splashing and jumping and kicking that Maia was doing in the pool below that I didn't really get anywhere with the book. Anyway, she loved it, and we are going to make it a regular weekly event. Next week, we have agreed that she will Put Her Face Underwater.

On the way home, Maia was chatting away, narrating our journey. On the turn into our road, the subject turned to Where She Lived.

"Upper Albert Road. Number 42a. Alec lives here. Mummy lives here. I live in Upper Albert Road" and so on... We turned into the drive and Maia said "Is Daddy here?"

"No, darling" I replied, "Daddy is in Barcelona at the moment."

"But he lives there" she said, insistently pointing forward.

Misunderstanding, I said, "No, sweetie, he lives here with us, he just visits Barcelona for work."

"No" she said, pointing at the garage, "He lives there!"

Now, Pat would be the first to admit that his garage-based music room has been seeing a lot of him, especially this weekend when his friend and Whatever's Clever bandmate, Steve, came to stay. However, although hobbies are important, when your kid thinks you live in the garage, it might be time to moderate the time spent on them...

Arts and Crafts

This afternoon looked like rain, so our planned afterschool park expedition was cancelled. To make up for it (and for the fact that as soon as we had decided not to go, the sun came out, in a somewhat mocking manner) Pat and Maia sat down to some quality time with the new craft set. Now this is a craft kit to beat them all...it has feathers, glue, stickers, colourful foam buttons, glue and glitter. But most of all glitter.

I left them happily squidging away with glue and making nice colourful splodges, and I returned to a silver glitter explosion. Apparently, glitter, when poured onto the table when Daddy is looking at something else, creates an amazing picture. There was glitter on the table, all over her chair, on the floor, in her shoes, in her hair, all over Daddy, liberally sprinkled on the fruit bowl and her new monkey.

I got out the vacuum cleaner and began to hoover it up. After trying to wipe the glitter off Miss Maia and failing, I hoovered her too. She then took off all her clothes and ran about - twinkling away like a tiny Tinkerbell Godiva. I have a feeling this one will run and run.

Adventures with Alec and Sarah - Wella Fancy That!

Alec and Sarah had a dinner party while Noonah, Pat and I were away. Their friends Joel and Nikki came round. Apparently, Nikki was a HUGE hit with Maia Miss M.

The first thing Nikki said to Maia was 'Haven't you got lovely hair!'

Maia smoothed down her locks with her palm and said 'It is Goldilocks hair. You can buy it in the shops.'

Nikki now wants to come and babysit...

Spot On

After dinner, Maia sat down to do some colouring. Grabbing a pink crayon, she dotted the paper with spots.

'It is got chicken pox!' she said, eyes wide. Noonah and I laughed.

There was a notice on the door to the Beehive (her class) saying that another case of chicken pox has been reported. So we decided to ask Maia who else had chicken pox in her class.

'I have.' she said. 'Oh no you haven't.' we said 'You are all better now.'

'Umm...IsabelVerginty!'

'No...IsabelVerginty is back in school. It can't be her...who else might have chicken pox?'

'Ummm...Kate.'

'Ah ha.'

Later, after she had dotted the paper with a few more spots (blue, this time) Noonah said 'It is like Kate - she has chicken pox as well'

Maia looked at Noonah, eyes wide as if to say 'REALLY??'

Chinese whispers - toddler style.

A Saturday Spin in the Park

We had a group expedition to Meersbrook Park on Saturday. Maia had four of her peeps in attendance: Alec, Sarah, Mummy and Daddy. Everytime we go to the park, as soon as Maia sees the swings she starts yelling 'Hello Swings! Hello Slides! Hello Roundabouts!' It certainly makes for an entrance. This trip was no exception. There were lots more people in the park than our normal afterschool trips, so her precociousness was cool and mildly embarrassing in equal measure.

Maia loved having so many people to join in with her playground activities. She would holler 'Swings!' and then point to the person that had the honour of pushing her that time. As Alec and Sarah were heavily into the spinny things, it was mainly Pat that got to do the pushing.

She has figured out which of the eight spinny things is the Very Best (the yellow one) and makes a beeline for it as soon as we get through the gates. Some of the other kids also like the yellow one, and I have started a couple of 'Hellowillyoubemyfriend' conversations with their parents over the mild squabbling, grudging sharing and eventual bonding over the Yellow Spinny Thing.

This trip, there was a group of three friends (two women and a man) there, all with toddlers and tiny babies. I started up a conversation with a red-haired lady called Imogen, who had a tiny baby strapped to her front, and a toddler haring about getting his trousers filthy.

I suppose the strangest thing about it all (apart from the feeling that I have been transported back fifteen years, and am again the New Kid In School) is that the only thing that we have in common is that we have bred. We haven't met through work, or a hobby, or because we go to the same pub or bar or restaurant, but because we have managed to procreate. I am sure I will find some friends who have babies, and I hope some of them will come from meeting in the park. I just wish it was as easy as it looks for Maia. I need an adult equivalent of the Yellow Spinny Thing.

Here Comes the Sun

Maia came into my bed this morning, after waking up at 5.40am. She stumbled through, face and eyes puffed with sleep, and snuggled down, stealing my pillow and warm spot. She cracked open an eye and looked at me accusingly.

'Mummy, can you turn the light out please?'

'Sweet-pea, that is the sun, not a light. Close your eyes and it will be dark.'

'But can you turn it out please?'

'Close your eyes, baby, then it will be dark'

She closed her eyes for a bit. Then opened them again.

'Why can't you turn it out?'

Was now the time to discuss the limits of human endeavour and achievement? To talk about the sheer magnitude of the universe and our tiny part in it?

Nope, now was the time to make a tent with the duvet and make it dark for her. I may not be omnipotent, but she doesn't have to know that yet.

Mission Impeccable

I was away at the beginning of the month visiting Kiki (Dr. Kris' new and tres cool moniker) in DC and New York. While I was there, I decided, after two and a half years of looking a mess, I was going to make it my mission to leave the house every day Looking Presentable. Maia leaves every day in clean clothes, and mostly wears things that match. (Apart from socks - that is a challenge that even Hercules would shirk from.)

So, Mission Impeccable meant:

clean clothes - no food, or goo, or muck, or ooze,
a little bit of make-up,
and if possible, wearing something other than jeans ALL THE TIME.

Unfortunately, as soon as I got back, Maia got sick, so I spent a week pinned to the sofa in my jammies. Since she is now up and well (despite her pleas of 'But I have a little bit of chicken pox' when she doesn't want to do something) I have been sticking to Looking Presentable. I have been wearing jewelry. I have been matching accessories. I have even been wearing skirts and heels. All in all, pretty good.

That is, until the day before yesterday. I had to get her out early, and in the rush, managed to leave the house in track suit bottoms, the top I had slept in and without brushing my teeth. Of course, we got there at exactly the same time as all the other people who I have been steadily, secretly vetting as to who will be my Friends Who Are Also Parents. I wanted shout 'You should have seen me yesterday - I looked gorgeous!' but didn't think that would do my friendship prospects any good at all. Will have to try harder.

Your Cat Was Called What?

Yesterday, as I was helping Maia into her coat, Mrs Hunt popped her head around the door and, with a rather puzzled expression, asked me what our cats were called. I listed Beckett, Scotty, Harley and, erm...the late Manky Cat.

'Ah ha!' she said. 'I thought that is what she said, but then I wondered if I had misheard!'

The class had been talking about their pets that day, and while the names Beckett, Scotty and Harley were accepted without question, Maia managed to confuse everyone with the revelation that our last cat was called Manky Cat.

Mildy embarrassed, I explained. 'He really was called Manky Cat. He was called something else when he was little, but that was pretty soon superseded when he got a skin condition and went a bit, well, manky.' Mrs Hunt retreated into the classroom, laughing.

I just hope they moved on quickly enough so that Maia didn't get a chance to regale the other tots with the tale of Manky Cat Now Lives in a Box in The Garden.

Sticking with Good Habits

Mrs Hunt (or the lovely Mrs Hunt, as she should be known) has a fabulous way of motivating Maia - stickers.

Maia gets a sticker when she is a good girl. She gets one when she plays outside without complaint, or goes to the loo at toilet time without crying. Mrs Hunt has a variety of stickers, ranging from gold and silver stars, to the characters from Finding Nemo.

I was a little worried that Maia might be monopolising the stickers and using up more than her fair share, so this morning I asked Mrs Hunt if I should bring in a packet or two to make sure that they didn't run out...Thinking about it now, I imagine it might come across as a bit of an odd thing to do. A bit like someone going to their lawyers and offering to buy them some ink cartridges as they seem to write lot of letters.

I can see now that stickers are a tool of the trade, not something exclusive and special to Maia. I suppose this is what comes of not having many other parent friends - not too hot on spotting what is exclusive to her, and what is a universal experience. Ho hum.

Anyway, I am wondering whether to introduce the Sticker Motivational Method at home. Thing is, I don't want to dilute their effectiveness. I think for the moment, we will just stick with the jellybeans.

Making a Meal of Dinner

Noonah, Maia and I just went out for a meal at Nonna's, a really nice Italian restaurant along the Eccelsall Road in Sheffield. I thought they might have pastaandpesto, or something similar. Hmmm.

Maia was not in the mood for food. She was in the mood for jumping, shouting, falling on her knees, banging, screeching, lying down then jumping up and shouting 'Surprise!' All in all, not a cool, calm, collected restaurant experience. She didn't like the potato and pea soup. She didn't like the fish, or the linguine, or the salami, or anything we got because we thought she might like it.

Looks like we will be dining in The Happy Eater until she is 12. Grrr.

Adventures with Daddy - Dylan Eat Your Heart Out

I have been allocated space at the back of the garage. It’s become a metaphorical shed. A place that I can record and play music and also contemplate my navel and the yet to be answered eternal question, 'why is navel fluff blue?'

Erica and I have discussed putting Maia’s voice down on tape as a record for her when she’s older, so I brought her in to do a spot of recording. On the track, backed by a nice simple guitar sequence, she says 'Hello' to everyone she knows, sings ALL the words to Bob the Builder and ends with a very strange line which I think has something to do with cat pee. A future in showbiz is assured.

Adventures with Daddy - Balls Up

When Maia was born a girl (and not a boy with an incredibly small willy)
I told anyone who would listen that My Daughter would play for England. Rugby, of course. However, things might not go the way I'd hoped.

A couple of weeks ago Maia and I were playing outside in the garden, enjoying a rare moment of Yorkshire sunshine, when she suggested we play with a football. OK, I thought, not the right shaped ball - but definately a start.

I picked up an old plastic regulation black and white football and kicked it to her.

'No Daddy' she said, pointing at a multi-coloured ball with a picture of a Fimble on it. 'I want to play with the pretty one.'

I was ever so slightly crushed, but on reflection she has yet to see a rugby ball. There is still time, Lord, still time.

The Importance of Being Aiden

OK, this happened a while ago, but I am only just now getting round to writing it out.

Maia was invited to a birthday party. An Incredibles invite came home with her from Collegiate Montessori, stating that Aiden would be 3 and could Maia come to the party being held on the blah blah blah. So, what do you buy for a 3 year old boy? Something with a superhero on it, of course. Girls get princesses, boys get superheroes. (At least they do if you buy toys at the end of the weekly shop with a toddler set to maximum frazzle. Arguments about childhood gender stereotyping are for seminars, not supermarkets.)

So, armed with a Spiderman lunchbox and drinking flask for Aiden, off we went.

Now, I haven't really met any of the kids or parents from Maia's school yet - there are a couple that I have a sort of 'smileandsayHi' thing going on with as we pass in the car park, but I don't know anyone. So, I don't mind admitting, I was kind of nervous.

We turned up at the house to find two girls, one a bit older than the other, both in fairy costumes. No boys. A little boy appeared after a beat or two. I said 'Is it your birthday today?' and he said 'No'.

Ah. OK. Well, I reasoned, Aiden must be in the other room.

Other guests arrived, and started to fuss over the smaller of the two fairies. Bugger. Aiden (not Aidenne, or Ayden, or Aydenne) was a GIRL. A girl in a fairy outfit.

I decided I would have to own up to the mother about the mis-gendered birthday gift.

'Oh, I knew this would happen!' She said. 'Don't worry! She loves Spiderman, and cars and trains and stuff. Same thing happened with her sister, Charlie.'

Well, I had to ask myself...which came first? The more masculine taste in toys, or THE BOY'S NAME???

Lesson learnt: Unisex presents from here on in. Buy up shares in Crayola, as every kid that has a birthday is getting crayons from us.

Chicken Pox Robs Alec of His Mojo

An unexpected consequence of Maia being a PolkaDot Princess is that, 3 days ago, she suddenly decided that Alec wasn't her favourite person anymore. She didn't feel like being tickled. She didn't want to laugh at fart jokes. In short, chickenpox stole his Mojo.

He was pretty gutted. From Godlike to 'I don't like you' in a day is a pretty steep drop. He joked that one good thing to come out of it was his removal from the post of Most Favoured Potty Person. But I don't think it was a great trade.

Now she is feeling better (but still spotty), he is in the process of being rehabilitated. Good thing too, as he is looking after Maia for 3 days all by himself in two and a half weeks.

Resurrection

Hallelulyah! After what felt like forever of not being herself, Maia has reappeared. She woke up yesterday morning, demanding porridge and playtime for the first time in a week and a half. She was making jokes, her face was animated and she began to assert herself. Welcome back, baby!

Maia with Tribal Art, Courtesy of Daddy

Prior to becoming a Polka Dot Princess, Maia and Daddy decided to Make Some Art. I think they succeeded.




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