Friday, December 30, 2005

Word Meld

Video

DVD

or as Maia calls anything that makes pictures on the TV...'Diveo'

Naughty Cat!

It is vile weather in Sheffield. Noonah was coming into the house from the office, and encountered Scotty, mewling pathetically just outside the catflap. He was a Very Wet Cat. Once she opened the door, she saw the reason. Beckett was sat, growling, just inside the door and pouncing on any cat who had the temerity to try and enter.

Noonah came upstairs and laughingly told Maia and I this story.

Maia sighed, and went through to the kitchen. From there we heard

"Scotty, come here please. Beckett, I want you to say sorry. You are a very naughty cat."

When she came back into the living room, I asked if Beckett had said sorry. She turned to me with a comically profound look of disappointment on her face and said

"No. He is a Very Naughty Cat."

Just Like Daddy

Noonah came into the loo this morning to find that Maia had peed all over the floor.

"Agggh! Maia! What happened here?"

She looked up, sheepish, and said

"I was trying to pee like Daddy. But I can't."

There then followed a discussion about how boys, like Daddy, can pee standing up, while girls, like Maia, have to sit down.

When I came downstairs a little while after the incident, Maia told me all about it. Then she proceeded to list all the boys she knew who could pee standing up - Daddy, Alec, Papi - and then all the girls she knew who had to sit down - Mummy, Noonah, Hannah. I got the impression that she thought it would be much more fun to stand.

Wait till she hears about writing names in the snow...

Christmas Tinkerbella

Father Christmas is amazing. How could he have possibly known that Maia needed a Tinkerbell costume? And yet, there it was, on her bed when she woke up on Christmas morning.

She whipped off her pjs and wiggled into the green and pink and glittery and furry dress (neglecting/refusing to put on any knicker-knacks) and proceeded to twinkle around for the whole day.

The beer and mince pies left out for Father Christmas had gone. The carrots and water left out for the reindeers had been eaten, and the reindeers had even left us a -ahem- 'souvenir' (crafted out of flour, coffee beans and glitter) on the grass.

Presents were opened about 12.30, which was pretty restrained. Highlights for Miss Maia were a puppet theatre complete with hand and finger puppets from Mummy, Daddy, Noonah and Papi, a complete (as in totally blows George's out of the water) pirate kit from the Holls and a face painting kit from HelenInAustralia. The afternoon was spent as a puppeteering, face-painted, pirate-hatted Tinkerbell. Which, if you ask me, is a pretty good way to spend Christmas.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

So Young, Yet So Wise

Maia clambered into Noonah's bed in the morning, and demanded a story. Noonah, tired as she was, started telling her a story (which is quite a cunning device to have a half-brain snooze...)

She was happily spinning a tale about Rory Purple McBarry (a dragon) and Princess Pink Maia (guess who), when Maia decided it was her turn to contribute. So here it is:

Romance, According To Maia.

Princess Pink Maia lived in a tower. The Handsome Prince climbed up the walls of the tower and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Princess Pink Maia woke up, and kissed her Handsome Prince. And he turned into a frog.

The End.

Now, how much time and heartache would we save the women of the world if that was the version we read when we were young?

Saturday, December 10, 2005

For Every Barbie Moment...

Maia and George were playing. George was SpiderMan and Maia was Tinkerbell. After a while of calling SpiderMan in to help with a situation (puppy in peril, mostly), Maia got bored.

She decided that fluttering around being a fairy was not the most fulfilling career a girl of her talents could aim for.

So she got herself a sword and went to rescue the puppy herself. She was still TinkerBell, but this time, she was a Different Tinkerbell, as she explained patiently to George. One with a sword.

That's My Gal...

Friday, December 09, 2005

Erm...Not QuiteThe Christmas Story

Maia has a somewhat confused grasp on the concept and purpose of Christmas. I don't think the fact that her first nativity play is called Humph the Camel has helped tremendously. It is about the camels that took the Three Kings to see Baby Jesus.

While I am sure it is a great relief for the teachers to do something a little different with the kids at the nursery, it ain't great for explaining about Christmas to a three year old. So far, she thinks it is about camels, Father Christmas, HER birthday and presents. For her, naturally.

I am also a bit wary about telling her the whole Christian thang, given that I am a non-believer. I would feel duty-bound to tell her all the other stories from all the other religions, so she might be able to make up her mind if she fancied Getting Religion sometime in the future.

And we already have enough confusing stories at bedtime, thank you.

The newest one is called Melrose and Croc. In it, a lonely yellow labrador called Melrose hooks up with a small green crocodile (called Croc) at Christmas, somewhere snowy with palm trees. Croc is new to town, while Melrose has just moved in to a fabulous des-res on the shorefront. They don't know each other at all at the beginning and are all set for a truely rubbish Christmas all alone, then they bump into each other at the ice rink, go for tea, move in together and get presents from Father Christmas. All on the same day. Thank God they didn't meet on Clapham Common - for then the whole thing takes on a whole new level of meaning and becomes a rather different story. (Although does it? How come Jesus doesn't have any FEMALE apostles? I'm just sayin'....)

Also, I am pretty sure you can't mention the Jesus story without the Immaculate Conception bit, which is tricky, as we have yet to tackle Maculate Conception. See also the God bit, the Church bit and the Father-Son-and-Holy-Ghost bit (seriously, are they trying to be scary?).

Top of the league is the Coming Back From the Dead bit. This is particularly tricky, as Manky Cat is still at the bottom of the garden and I don't want to give the kid nightmares...or ideas.

So we will have to muddle through with a blend of camels, consumerism and fudging the issues. Merry Christmas!

School Report

Well, there you have it. I quite like Mrs Hunt again. We went to our very first Parent-Teacher event at Collegiate Montessori, to be told that Maia is lovely and sociable and bright and well behaved and wonderful.

Well, we knew that anyway, of course (and so did you, I am sure) but I had a twinge of wariness given Mrs Hunt's propensity for being disappointed in ME when my child behaves like a normal three-year-old. With terrible aim.

Anyway, Maia can recognise her shapes, count to 5 (I was thinking 5?? She can go to 20 and you are happy with FIVE???) and knows all her colours, apart from brown (which is fair enough, really, it is not pretty). She is well behaved, knows the rules and regulations of the school and happily does what the teachers ask her to do.

We are supplementing her reading lessons at home in a way that gained enthusiastic approval from Mrs Hunt.

Oh, and Maia is is excellent at Music. So much so that she is a star in the Christmas play.

Excusez-moi while I go and purchase a Volvo 4x4 and explode with my own smugness.